Decision-Making for Change
You
think you need an answer but you really need to develop a skill with a process
If your business, or the
affairs in your life, is experiencing development and growth (and it should!),
you are often faced with difficult
decisions.
Your
actions will have long reaching consequences, and will affect the lives of
others.
Sometimes
the pressure of having to act forces us to make a decision
that we may regret. Sometimes this pressure causes us to waver and
miss an opportunity.
To give
you confidence in your actions, you need a process that will lead you to
making a better decision.
Scan
the exercises in any order that you like to develop a sense of the process.
When
you are ready to apply the process to making a decision,
I suggest that you run through the exercise in the numbered order.
T
he only reason for doing that
is to ensure that you don't miss something.
If you
find something difficult, resist the temptation to pass over that point.
This is where a trusted
consultant might help you.
Since
you are on your own, you will have to decide to be persistent.
If you like this exercise, go
and buy the book (see the link at the bottom of the page).
I recommend it; and it will add depth to your decision-making skill.
Table of Contenst for
Article on Decision Making
Introduction - 1 Integrity - 5
Practical Question - 2 Intitution - 6
Practical Question - 3 Insight - 7
A better decision makes us feel better about how we make it - and gets better results.
The process is to ask a valuable question to which the answer is Yes or No.
If you do not know what to do - do you know what not to do?
First: stop proceeding with a poor decision
Simply stop what you are doing
If you want to get out of a hole, stop digging
- Ross Perot
Stopping creates a void you can fill with something better.
If you want a hot cup of tea, first you must empty your cup
- Chinese
Better to have a map than directions.
I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught
- Churchill
There are 2 parts to this system: ask a practical question and a private question.
I avoid indecision and half decisions based on half truths
I use my head and my heart
Then I listen to myself and others
- make a better decision
- and act on it
Remember to use both parts.
A Practical Question - Step 2 First Question:
Am I meeting the Real Need, informing myself of options, and thinking it through? Yes or No?
If answer is NO, then you can pay more attention to it and arrive at a better decision.
Distinguish between Want and Need. Need = Necessity. It is what the situation requires.
Focus only on the results you really need, not what you want.
The key is focusing on the Real Need. See a vision of that clearly.
Write down the needed results. Say Yes only to that which helps achieve the need.
Say No to everything else. Clarity in expressing the need is essential to making better decisions.
When I pursue only the real need, I am more decisive and I make better decisions sooner.
To see what you want, ask, "What do I wish I could do?"
To see what you need, ask, "Looking back on this, what would I like to have done?"
What do I really need from this decision and for others to feel successful & fulfilled?
Is my vision clearly focused on the needed results?
Does this process take time?
The Slower I go, the sooner I arrive - Japanese expression
It takes less time to make a better decision than to correct a poor one
There are always options, even if you are not aware of them.
Gather only needed information. Rely on your own observations. Validate information.
Fear fogs vision and can immobilize. It is hard to see options.
What frightens and paralyzes us is usually not real.
The process of gathering information makes you aware of options you were not aware of,
and brings you closer to reality.
Information is not just facts, it is also how people feel about facts.
Do I have the information that I need?
Who has it? Where is it? What is the best way to get it? Have I verified it myself?
As I gather information, how do I see my options? Am I informing myself of options?
Think through situations. Ask then what would happen?, then what?, and then what? ...
Until the decision is thought through to a better result.
Better results are like butterflies - if you chase them you can exhaust yourself and the results may escape you.
You measure your results by how well they satisfy yourself.
People often make poor decision because they think it is merely a small decision.
They are like dominoes, one decision affects the next.
Past decisions are the best mentors. Answer the below: yes or no
Am I using my head by asking myself a practical question:
am I meeting the real need, informing myself of options and thinking it through?
Although I have numbered the steps so that this section follows the Practical Question,
it is not important which comes first.
The Private Question seems to be harder for some people to grasp,
and will take more time to learn the process. In this exercise,
it takes up steps 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. Step 8 is a recapitulation.
Step 3 has only a few concepts, and until you have read further, may seem to lack focus. Read on.
We begin by asking ourselves some simple questions. Beware of the simplistic.
Simplistic is less than what is needed.
A simplistic answer is an illusion. Ineffective decisions are based on illusions we believe in at the time.
Questions are like alarm clocks, they wake us up.
We make decisions based on our character - with what is in our heart - whether we realize it or not.
We need to consult our thinking half and our feeling half, and connect these parts.
The way to quickly arrive at better results is to get around the obstacle that is in our way.
It is usually our obstructive self.
This is accomplished with our Character.
Our Character is our collection of personal beliefs and how we act on them.
Use only those parts of your character that you believe have real value for you.
That may affect your decisions greatly.
Decisions are mirrors of personal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
They are on display for everyone to see.
They clearly reveal the way you view the world and yourself.
My decisions reveal my beliefs
The private question concerns beliefs about
1) personal integrity,
2) intuition, and
3) insight into our own worth.
=============================================
Do I feel Stressed or Peaceful? Clear or Confused? Drained or Energized?
Fearful or Enthusiastic? Egotistical or Guided?
What would I decide if I were not afraid? Does this decision really feel right to me?
As right as seeing a favourite colour,
or meeting a close friend, or taking a peaceful walk? If is does not, feel right, it probably is not,
and I need to change my decision. Am I trusting my intuition?
· There is a book called, Focusing, by Eugene T. Gendlin,
· which describes a process to turn this binary code into a real dialogue. - rjb
The private question concerns beliefs about
1) personal integrity, 2) intuition, and 3) insight into our own worth.
People with integrity will not fool themselves about a situation.
Learning to trust your intuition will allow you to make decisions not rely on others.
People who do not have insight unknowingly sabotage their own results.
The private question is:
Does My Decision Show I Am Honest with Myself, Trust My Intuition, Deserve Better:
The reason that most of us have problems is because we are fooling ourselves.
'Reality' is whatever really is. 'Truth' is a description of reality - mine or someone’s
'Integrity' is telling myself the truth. 'Honesty' is telling the truth to other people.
To help me not to fool myself, or lie to others: Look at what I really think and do
Then, look at what really happens to me Look at my choices and the real consequences
Concentrate on the first part of the private questions: am I honest with myself?
Look at what you secretly want to do and ask,
'would I like my friends and family to read about this in the newspaper?'
To find the truth, look for the fiction I believe (the untruth
that I want to believe is truth) because it is more convenient or more comfortable
for me to believe it. It is more glaring than the truth. The opposite is the truth.
To seek the truth about past poor decision,
it may help to ask the people around us - our friends.
You may be surprised at what they say.
When you see what they see, you may want to make some changes.
Your ego holds onto your illusions.
The sooner I see the truth, the sooner I make a better decision
Integrity is the essence of everything successful - Buckminster Fuller
Poor decisions are based on illusions believed at the time.
Better decisions are based on realities recognized in time.
Go find the truth, look for it. It does not come to you.
The private question concerns beliefs about
1) personal integrity,
2) intuition, and
3) insight into our own worth.
Ask: Am I trusting my intuition?
Ask: How do I feel about how I am making this decision?
Do I feel calm or anxious? paralyzed or confident?
Drained or energized?
If the way you feel about how your are making the decision does not feel right,
you probably need to change your decision.
Ask: Am I relying on others' opinions, or relying on my own feelings (intuition) –
or better yet, on my better intuition?
Intuition is your unconscious knowledge based on your own personal experiences.
It is what you somehow sense is right for you.
To get in touch with this intuition, think about past decisions, and what you sensed at the time.
Then look at the consequences.
These observations will allow you to teach yourself to use your feeling to forecast the future.
Also, try to look at how you feel as you make decisions.
If you are asking probing questions, and you feel peaceful, you may be making a decision based on truth
which you have recognized. If so, the results will be far better.
Intuition is the really important thing - Albert Einstein Ego can complicate the issue.
'Complex' means there are many parts to the problem.
'Complicated' means you cannot distinguish one part from the other.
If you see it as complicated you will remain lost. If you see it as complex, and analyze the parts,
you will find several simple, obvious answers. Put them together for a solution.
Fear seems complicated until you take it apart.
Insecurity, anxiety, anger, resentment and worry are all masks of fear.
Fearful decisions seldom turn out well. Everyone is afraid. The secret is not to act out of fear.
Ask: What would I do if I were not afraid. And then do that.
My feelings often forecast the consequences
Intuition is what we have learned inside ourselves.
To go beyond, ask for guidance, then keep quiet and listen to what comes to you.
The body's binary code: We think with our minds and feel with our bodies.
Our bodies speak to us in a simple binary code*: either YES things feel right or NO they do not.
Learning the way to ask the body is the business of the question of the heart.
The private question concerns beliefs about
1) personal integrity, 2) intuition, and 3) insight into our own worth.
Sometimes people do things that undermine their own success.
Most people have to unlearn the belief that they do not deserve better.
Belief is usually hidden from them.
Ask: Does my decision show me I really believe that I deserve better?
'Deserve.' from the Latin, deservire, 'to serve zealously.'
You may think you deserve better, but not believe or act on it.
We often get the results we unknowingly believe we deserve
A caring person would ask, 'Why should I deserve better than others deserve?'
It misses the point. It is not better than others;
it is better than what you are doing to yourself. Everyone deserves that.
When you were young, did anyone use a mean voice to ask you,
'Just who do you think you are?'
Do you ever put yourself down with the same question?
It is not enough to change what you believe, you have to change what you do.
Ask: What do I believe, and what do I do?
We never let ourselves have any more than we really believe we deserve.
Ask: If I believed that I deserved better results, what would I do?
You do not need to wait until you really believe this.
When your actions are better, things get better. My Insight
Have I looked closely enough at my past decisions & actions to discover
what I really believe I deserve?
Do I see how my decisions reveal my beliefs?
Do I believe enough in my decision to act on it soon?
What would I decide to do now if I really believed I deserved better?
I consult my heart by asking myself a private question:
Does My Decision Show I Am Honest with Myself, Trust My Intuition,
and Deserve Better? YES or NO?
.
Map to a Better Decision - Step 8
This is a review of the process.
I avoid indecision & half-decisions based on half-truths
I use both halves of a reliable system to consistently make better decisions:
a cool head and a warm heart
I USE MY HEAD by asking myself a practical question
&
I CONSULT MY HEART by asking myself a private question
Then, after I listen to myself and others, I make a better decision and act on it
----------------------------------------------------------
To use my head, I ask a practical question:
Am I meeting the Real Need, Informing Myself of Options, and Thinking It Through?
YES or NO?
Is it a mere want or a real need? What information do I need?
Have I created options?
If I did 'x' then what would happen. Then what?
To consult my heart, I ask a private question:
Does My Decision Show I Am Honest with Myself,
Trust My Intuition, and Deserve Better?
YES or NO?
Am I telling myself the truth? Does this feel right?
What would I decide if I was not afraid? What would I do if I deserved better?
If 'Yes' I Proceed ............ If 'No' I Rethink
What Is My Better Decision?
Resource for Brainstorming article: University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee